Keeping Hope Alive

Here I am, close to the end . . . 17 days till the end of the semester and 40 days till graduation. . .

I'm running a race. I start of slow pacing my self while everyone around me speeds past. I wait patiently and kept my energy up, after all this was going to be a long race and I have no option but to finish. First lap is not to bad. Second lap a breeze, the feeling that I could win really settling in and then BAM! The third lap starts and now I'm really struggling. Hurdle after hurdle are being placed on the track. I jump over some, fall on the rest, I'm lagging now. I see everyone passing me by. I begin to feel weak and overwhelmed, winning is not an option any more and completing seems hopeless. On my hands and knees I finish the third lap somehow building my momentum back up, the desire to win surging through my veins again. This is it! The home stretch, I'm so close to the finish line now, I can see the blue ribbon. I hear people cheering, this is the moment I've been waiting for. I am just an arms reach away from the finish line now and I collapse. . . I can't feel my legs, I'm screaming struggling to get up. Tears flowing from my face as I realize that I might not finish and then I wake up sweating in my bed. It was all a dream...

The anxiety and pressure of being so close to the end has taken over my life. I'm so close to being done but I feel burnt out. Drained and exhausted at the journey thus far. I know I have to keep working, to keep pushing my self but what if it is still not enough? What if I cross the blue ribbon and there is nothing waiting for me on the other side?!

I've always been a child in that I thrive off hope and wishes. Children are the purest creatures alive. They believe with all of their might that dreams can come true. They make wishes and know that someday they will come true. Unfortunately most of us grow up and realize that it's not the truth, that some wishes just never come true, but that wasn't me. I kept believing, just like a child, that my every wish would someday be fulfilled. But what if I was wrong? What if all this time I have been wishing on an airplane instead of a shooting star? What if dreams never do come true? I don't know if I'm overwhelmed with graduating or if there is some big shift happening in my life but the thought of losing my childlike hope and wishes frightens me. I don't want to grow up, I don't want to realize that my wishes may never come true. . . I just want to continue to believe that there is hope for those wishes. . . That there is HOPE for ME! At the end of the day it's been my saving grace; the thing that keeps pushing me to work harder and be better. Without it, I am lost. I just pray that I can find a way to keep it alive. . .


 With Love & Peace!